I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
