i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
