if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
dude i'm inner monologue high
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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