yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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