Apparently you make a good broom.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
