No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
