he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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