Kareoke will never be a sober sport
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
