That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
if only i could text you this smell
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
