I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
