you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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