id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
