Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
why do cheetos always look like penises
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
