The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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