Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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