Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
