Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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