Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
