so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
She told me I should be a condom model.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
