Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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