just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
