I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
