just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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