yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I AM VODKA MAN
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
