just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
