She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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