sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I still have a little drunk in my system
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
