if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Just high enough for therapy.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
