I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
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