My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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