Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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