Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
