last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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