My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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