Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
