There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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