I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
