My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
