I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
