Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
