FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
