I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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