I should be sponsored by Trojan
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
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