did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
