Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
