So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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