So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
