dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Randomize
