Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
