direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
