I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
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