the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
