just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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