like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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