Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
