so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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