I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize