At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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