No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
