He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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