Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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