Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
