what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize