dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
