how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
