That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
