I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
