HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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