Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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