i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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