Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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