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Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
