We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize