I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
