Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
