i was born a porn star she said
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
