I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
