College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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