why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
don't judge my taste in strippers
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
