forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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