if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
