We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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