What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
