I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
