Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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