Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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