I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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