yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
