He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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