4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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