Kareoke will never be a sober sport
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
