I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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