TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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