You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
